Leonard Street Counseling Center : Advice

My husband doesn’t let me know about our financial situation. I’ve asked and asked, but he keeps dodging me and giving me evasive answers. How do I change this?

Michelle, I’m glad that you’re interested in the family’s financial situation. Each partner should have equal knowledge and access to the family’s finances. The underlying issue is a fairly common one and it is control. My guess would be that this is not the only area in the relationship where your husband exercises control and you don’t feel like an equal in the relationship. These other areas can be subversive and varied, so think this question: Do you find that you have to ask permission from him to do things you suspect others do not?

Maybe he knows he is doing this and maybe he doesn’t. Control issues are connected to societal norms that weren’t necessary before and certainly aren’t now. Each partner should be equal and that equality will lead to greater connectedness and relational intimacy. My suggestion is to use clear, direct, and assertive speech with him, letting him know how this control is affecting you. This is called “I language”, and a simple Google search can show you how to use it.

If this issue persists, I would suggest researching a qualified behavioral health counselor in your area.

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